Struggle in the World vs. Struggle in the Kingdom: What Makes the Difference?

QUICK SUMMARY

Struggle is inevitable, but how we struggle depends on the system we live in—the world’s upside-down way or the kingdom of God. In the world, struggle is seen as failure, leading to self-reliance, avoidance, or burnout. In the kingdom, struggle is a process of strengthening, forming resilience, trust, and transformation. When families shift their perspective on struggle, they create homes where challenges lead to growth rather than fear.

To explore how this shift transforms family life, read the Restoring the Lost Art of Being Family manifesto.

Struggle is part of life—but how we navigate it makes all the difference. In the kingdom, we don’t struggle alone. This image of a family standing together, facing the ocean, reflects the security of abiding relationships and the hope of a new perspective on struggle.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

1. Struggle isn’t failure—it’s formation. The world sees struggle as a problem to fix; the kingdom sees it as a process that deepens identity and trust.

2. The way we struggle shapes us. The habits, language, and relationships we cultivate either reinforce fear and striving or build resilience and peace.

3. Families can create an environment where struggle leads to transformation. By focusing on atmosphere (safety & connection), discipline (habit formation), and life (nourishing wisdom & truth), struggle becomes a pathway to maturity, not shame.

Struggle Is Inevitable—But the Way We Struggle Changes Everything

Struggle is part of life. We all experience difficulty, whether in parenting, relationships, work, or faith. But how we experience struggle depends on the system we’re living in—the upside-down world or the kingdom of God.

In the upside-down world, struggle often feels like failure. We try to manage or eliminate it as quickly as possible because struggle threatens our sense of worth. When life gets hard, we either power through in self-reliance or shut down in discouragement—both of which leave us exhausted and disconnected.

In the kingdom of God, struggle is something entirely different. Instead of being a sign that we’re failing, it’s a part of our formation. In the kingdom, struggle isn’t a threat to our identity—it’s an opportunity for growth. Rather than isolating us, it draws us deeper into relationships where real needs are met and resilience is built.

So what’s the difference between struggling in an upside-down world and struggling in the kingdom? Let’s take a look.

Struggle in the World vs. Struggle in the Kingdom: Key Differences & Similarities

Differences	The Upside-Down World	The Kingdom of God
Root Perspective	Struggle is a problem that needs to be fixed.	Struggle is part of maturity and formation.
Response to Struggle	Self-reliance: Try harder, do more, or avoid.	Abiding: Trust in God, lean into relationships.
Core Motivation	Fear, pressure, and external standards.	Love, connection, and God’s presence.
Identity & Worth	Defined by success, failure, and performance.	Defined by God’s love and kingdom identity.
Relational Impact	Isolation, control, and transactional living.	Connection, restoration, and transformation.
Long-Term Effect	Anxiety, burnout, and cycles of insecurity.	Growth, resilience, and kingdom flourishing.

Similarities:

1. Struggle happens in both systems—it’s unavoidable.

2. How we navigate struggle determines whether it makes us stronger or weaker.

3. Both systems offer “tools” for dealing with struggle—but only one leads to true transformation.

Why the Way We Struggle Matters

In the world’s system, we’re taught that struggle is something to escape, fix, or avoid—never something to grow through.

• If our child misbehaves, we try to fix their behavior instead of understanding what’s driving it.

• If we feel overwhelmed, we push harder rather than recognizing our need for rest.

• If we face failure, we internalize it as proof that we’re not enough rather than seeing it as part of growth.

The world’s system is transactional—it’s built on meeting standards, proving worth, and controlling outcomes. But that system cannot support real growth because growth requires an environment of security, trust, and belonging—not fear, shame, and pressure.

That’s why the kingdom offers something radically different.

How the Kingdom Changes Everything About Struggle

1. Atmosphere: Creating a Relational “Immune System” for Struggle

The world treats struggle like a disease to avoid, but the kingdom treats it like a process of strengthening—like an immune system that gets stronger when it’s well-nourished.

In the kingdom, our families become places where struggle is safe—where making mistakes isn’t a crisis, but part of learning.

Practical Application:
✅ Build a culture where struggle is normalized—talk openly about failure and challenges and how God meets us in them.
✅ Prioritize connection over control—don’t rush to “fix” struggles. Instead, be a safe place for your child’s emotions and challenges.
✅ Speak identity over performance—affirm who your child is rather than measuring them by what they do.

2. Discipline: Building Habits That Support Growth

Struggle in the world’s system leads to habits of self-protection, avoidance, or perfectionism. But in the kingdom, struggle builds resilience through intentional, life-giving habits.

Charlotte Mason reminds us that discipline isn’t punishment—it’s the formation of habits that shape who we become. When struggle happens, we either reinforce coping mechanisms or develop maturity-building habits. For a deeper understanding of Mason’s philosophy, consider this video about “What is a Habit?”

Practical Application:
✅ Trade unhealthy coping for kingdom habits. If a parent’s habit is nagging, trade it for a habit of offering support and connection instead. If a child’s habit is hiding in their room, help them build the habit of staying engaged even when they feel uncomfortable.
✅ Set rhythms that build trust—make relational connection a daily discipline (greetings, eye contact, shared meals).
✅ Teach children to engage struggle with faith, not fear. Model how to face challenges with confidence in God’s goodness, rather than avoidance or self-reliance.

3. Life: Feeding the Soul with Truth & Wisdom

The world fills our minds with facts, data, and techniques—but the kingdom nourishes us with living ideas that inspire truth and courage.

Many of our struggles feel overwhelming because we lack the vision for what’s possible. That’s why stories, truth, and wisdom shape us in ways self-help strategies never can.

Practical Application:
✅ Surround your family with “living ideas.” Read stories of people who endured struggle well—faithful leaders, biblical figures, historical heroes.
✅ Choose inputs that nourish resilience. Be intentional about what your family watches, reads, and listens to—do they reinforce fear or faith?
✅ Ask kingdom-forming questions. Instead of “How can we get through this?” ask, “What is God doing in this struggle?”

Final Thoughts: The Invitation to Struggle Well

Struggle is not a sign of failure—it’s an opportunity to build resilience in the kingdom. How we navigate struggle determines whether it depletes us or matures us.

We can either:
❌ Struggle in an upside-down world—where fear, striving, and control leave us broken instead of stronger.
✅ Or struggle in the kingdom—where love meets needs, identity is secure, and transformation happens.

The lost art of being family is about creating homes where struggle isn’t something to fear, but something to steward well.

How we struggle shapes everything—our faith, families, and future. Will you choose transformation instead of fear and control?

Want to Go Deeper? Listen & Reflect

If today’s post resonated with you, continue the conversation by tuning into this episode of the Love Is Fearless podcast:

🎙️ Episode #148: An Economy of Love
Overview: This episode explores how embracing an economy of love transforms our approach to tension, transformation, and trust within our families. It challenges listeners to consider how the Kingdom of God changes our home dynamics.

💡 Reflection: How does shifting from a fear-based economy to an economy of love change the way you navigate struggles in your family?

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