How To Abide - It's Not What You Think
QUICK SUMMARY
If you've been going to church your whole life, you've heard quite a bit about abiding, yet you may not be excited about embracing it as a lifestyle. If you're new to a life of faith, abiding seems mysterious, which can make you uncomfortable. This article addresses your questions and gives scripturally sound advice and practical steps to learn how to abide. Dig in!
Abiding is the foundation to experiencing a beautiful life of freedom in the kingdom of God.
In this article, you’ll learn:
What abiding is (and what it’s not).
Common reasons we don't embrace abiding.
Seven simple steps to walk through how to abide, even on the go.
An easy breath prayer to calm your nervous system anytime.
As a bonus, you'll find:
A personal journal sketch you can easily recreate.
A free PDF of scripture verses to remind you of the benefits.
A companion Love Is Fearless podcast: #151 - Eight Benefits of Abiding You Can't Get From Striving. The episode reveals surprising, much-needed benefits from abiding that can’t be bought, earned, or found anywhere but in God Himself.
Why do we avoid abiding?
For most people, the biggest challenge is believing they don't have enough time. We’re busy, and adding another “spiritual discipline” to the calendar feels impossible.
The good news is that abiding doesn’t require space on your calendar. It’s a way of being, not another thing to do.
A more profound challenge sometimes hides beneath the surface—our attachment wounds. If being close to someone has been unsafe in the past, it may feel unsafe now—even with God. Abiding can feel uncomfortable, even threatening, if we’ve never experienced healthy love.
Jesus invites you to step into a life that feels secure because your abiding experiences teach your mind, body, and soul that you are never alone, never powerless, and always deeply loved. Abiding changes everything!
What is abiding?
Abiding is being with Jesus instead of alone in your thoughts. It is embracing the hope that Jesus is always with you. Abiding is a way of being yourself that feels secure instead of insecure because you are with Him.
Abiding is not -
an obligation
reading the Bible because it's on your schedule
a bid to connect with Jesus (It's responding to His bid to connect with you!)
praying because you think you're supposed to
What you need to abide -
Unlike most "how-to" guides, abiding doesn't require many components - just these simple ingredients:
Yourself—YOU are an essential part of this experience.
God—Any member of the Trinity will do! If you're new to abiding, start with Jesus, especially if the idea of the Father feels intimidating.
Faith—Even a mustard seed is enough. Believe God is real; he loves you and is with you.
A problem or a crisis (optional)—Sometimes, hardship reminds us to turn to Jesus. But abiding is just as powerful on our best days as on our worst.
Seven practical steps to practice how to abide
1. First, fix your mind on King Jesus. It’s important to remind yourself that He is more than our Savior. He is our King! We need Him to be kind, accessible, and powerful.
2. Next, imagine King Jesus making himself as small as a tiny nesting doll. This is a picture of humility. It reminds us that He came as a baby, so our first picture of Him invites us to feel safe in His presence. Imagine the safe Jesus inside you. You will feel a warm spot in the center of your gut below your rib cage.
3. Imagine yourself as the second nesting doll. Jesus is in you. You are who He says you are. You are amazing. You are loved. You will feel the tension in your neck and shoulders begin to disappear.
4. Imagine the Holy Spirit being WITH you because abiding reminds us that we have more than we can imagine. We have Jesus, and we have the Holy Spirit, too! As a child of God, the Holy Spirit is our helper. (John 14: 16-17) He constantly reminds us of what’s true about us. We are not condemned. We are cared for. We are not abandoned. We are always abiding with the Trinity. Think of the Holy Spirit as the air you breathe.
5. Fix your mind on King Jesus again. See Him as the One who conquered death, defeated the rulers of this world, and established a new and eternal kingdom. Imagine the safety of living in God’s kingdom, ruled by a King who loves you enough to conquer the things that terrify you and give you the things you can never earn.
Imagine King Jesus as the third nesting doll. Tender Jesus is inside you, and the ruling and reigning King Jesus surrounds you. Christ is in you, and you are in Christ. This is our reality as children of God. You will feel yourself standing a little taller because, in this moment, you are not afraid.
6. Fix your mind on Jesus and imagine Father God just like Him. Jesus tells us, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father” (John 14:9, NIV). See the joy in His face and the light in His eyes. Give yourself permission to give in to your longing to be held in His safe embrace.
7. Imagine Father God as the fourth nesting doll. Christ is in you, the Holy Spirit is with you, and you are in Christ. All of this exists in the Father.
This is abiding! You will feel safe and secure in your being.
When is the best time to abide?
The quick answer: All the time! Abiding is a way of being that changes everything. When you are secure, you think, react, and make decisions differently. That's why the Bible encourages us to be transformed instead of conformed. The abiding life is transformational.
The honest answer is to start when you feel anxious or unsteady. Let your feelings of insecurity be an invitation to abide instead of worrying or imagining worst-case scenarios.
For example, I was recently in a virtual waiting room, anticipating a conversation with my doctor about some test results. Noticing my familiar anxious thoughts, I grabbed a pencil and paper and drew this picture.
Feel free to use the words from my journaling as an abiding breath prayer:
(Inhale) Christ is in me.
(Exhale) The Holy Spirit is with me.
(Inhale) I am in Christ.
(Exhale) We are in the Father.
This short song from Mercy Me is perfect for your abiding lifestyle.
Be sure to avoid these common pitfalls:
Mistake #1: Use guilt or shame to entice yourself to abide.
You're accepting an invitation from Jesus. He's not shaming you. Follow His lead and encourage yourself instead of shaming yourself.
Mistake #2: Make abiding a task to complete.
Abiding is a way of being. You'll never be done with it—it's the new reality of your new life in Christ! You are never alone. You are never powerless. This is good news!
Mistake #3: Have minimal expectations about the fruit of abiding.
If you've lived a "not enough" story, you will be amazed at how much the truth of your enough-ness in Christ will change your experiences of everyday life.
Because you are at peace, you talk differently.
Because you are secure, you respond differently.
Because you are experiencing God's nearness, you express love in new ways that make a big difference in the lives around you.
Key Takeaways About Learning How to Abide:
Abiding isn’t something you achieve; it’s something you receive. It’s not about striving harder—it’s about resting in what’s already true: Jesus is with you, in you, and for you.
Abiding shifts the focus from “What am I doing?” to “What am I receiving?” It’s a posture of trust, where transformation flows from connection, not self-effort.
You don’t have to create a perfect environment to abide. Abiding happens in the middle of real life—while doing dishes, sitting in traffic, or navigating hard conversations.
Abiding rewires insecure attachment tendencies. Instead of living from fear or the need to prove your worth, abiding anchors you in the security of God’s unchanging love.
The fruit of abiding—peace, joy, love, purpose—can’t be bought, earned, or manufactured. These are gifts God gives freely when we remain connected to Him.
Instead of striving to connect your head to your heart, abiding invites Jesus—who’s already in your heart—to meet you in your thoughts. This is where lasting transformation begins.
Remember to download this free PDF of scripture verses to remind you of the security we're invited to experience in our relationship with Jesus.
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